What Do You Want to Tell People?

Before February break, Mr. Bott posed to me this question - What do you want to tell people? And to be honest, as I write this blog post, I am reminded of a similar post I wrote last year entitled "What Story Will You Tell?" Although, in going back and revisiting my thoughts from that time, I recall that at the time the post was written, I was struggling with very different things than I am now. I am a little hesitant to invite you also to return to that post as I never really noticed how distraught-ly it had been written, but I will share with you an excerpt that I think really captures the reason why I've gotten to a different place this year.

"So it’s taken much time, energy, and frustration, but thankfully, I’ve come to realize that running away from failure is not the answer. Trying to escape from the very thing that terrifies you has only proven to exacerbate that fear, allowing it to fester until you reach a point of breaking, a point that may leave you so discombobulated that you have no way of coming back. The answer then begs to be one of intervention or confrontation rather than refuge in what is comfortable. When it comes down to it, it seems that the nature of one’s outcome continues to lay in the atmosphere we create around ourselves. And now, here we return to my questions from earlier... But first, let me add one more query to the bunch, what story will you tell? I’ve shared part of mine with you and will continue to share bits and pieces as we continue this upward climb to the nonexistent peak of learning and curiosity but, if you were reading this journal closely, you would have noticed that by answering this most recent and new question, you will have all of the answers. It was only through a close analysis and reflection of my attitude towards my project that I could actually realize my wrong and correct my story. I realized my wrong and I realized that this wasn’t the story I wished to write so I changed it. That’s the best thing about being the writer, you can do whatever you want."

The first reason you've essentially been reading about a completely different person over the past journey of inquiry is partially, that I learned from my mistakes and maybe tried to fix them (maybe I was just ignoring them) over the past year. But I think the more honest cause for such a change is the nature of my trajectory. Last year, my clinical approach was quickly abandoned and evolved into something very personal. As you can probably tell, I really struggled with that because it was different than anything I had ever known or experienced before. And sure, maybe that made for most journals leaving readers confused and myself troubled, but this struggle always meant progress. I may not have seen it at first but without a doubt, perseverance, no matter what form it took always put myself in a position beyond my previous standing when it came to balancing a giving over of one's person and one's intellect with respect to one's spirit of inquiry.

This year, my clinical approach fitting well with my adventures in the lab, was definitely not abandoned. Although I'd certainly like to think that this was not a result of my own negligence towards the more human side of research that I began to see last year, I cannot think that in full confidence. Upon first glance, it may seem as though this year is undoubtedly a step-up from last year in the sense that I've been having less problems and gotten some real lab experience with the whole process of designing an experiment and seeing it come to fruition but a closer look may reveal just the opposite. Let me tell you why I've noticed this. As I'm preparing for the STEAM expo, symposium, and one other possible presentation opportunity, I find myself struggling far more than I did last year to articulate the personal connections other people may have to my project. All the struggling in the beginning and all of the hits and misses made last year so so difficult, but it was just so simple then to determine why people should care. I've had my fair share of obstacles this year, but I am tempted to ask whether such a clinical project is what I really needed in my last year of EMC.

But anyway, like usual, I've digressed. Simply because my approach this year differed from a personally successful journey last year doesn't mean it's too late. Remember? We are each the writer of our own story and that means we can always realize and correct our wrongs. Was it completely wrong of me to take this more empirical trajectory? I don't think so - after all, I've learned quite a bit about the world of scientific research in pursuing such a trajectory. But I think I can say that in choosing that clinical path, I've realized the value in what I have lost by choosing a path different than a personal one. We can't have it all, that's for sure. I concede that choosing one manner of inquiry means I'm giving up the advantages and benefits of the other but that doesn't mean elements of both cannot coexist in the same project. One thing that definitely hasn't changed between last year and this year is that I'm still looking for a balance.

And so, it is only natural that I am called to consider the question I began this post with - What do you want to tell people? Surely no one, not even me at times, cares enough to hear about worms and little fluorescent proteins for anything beyond an "interesting fact." But maybe the implications that these worms and fluorescent proteins present us with are worth talking about. It's not necessarily about the substance, but rather, more about the perception of the substance. I've already covered the substantial material in my paper (1st manuscript is almost ready!!) So the intermediate task I must now undertake is determining what meaning I can find amidst the data and scientific jargon - what does all of it really mean and how do I deliver such a message to the common person? It's a frightening task, no doubt, but I guess the biggest thing holding my wits about me is that if I could relate a study of foot pronation to Rene Descartes, surely there is a place for these little worms in the knowledge of just about everybody.

To be completely honest, I am unsure of what it is I wish to tell people. After some time away from the personal realm of things, I may need to struggle a bit more until I have my answer. But hopefully, a recognition of what was missing signifies a small step in the right direction.