Purpose

Disclaimer: I know this is one of my more confusing journals, but I think I need it published here because it's part of the process.

So this week was all about glucose (November is actually Diabetes Awareness Month - maybe that's why all of those articles were being published) and that was really great and fun but after asking the questions written in my last journal, I asked myself another one, What's the purpose of this obsession with hyperglycemia/diabetes? What can it contribute to my overall research question? And it's not that I didn't find value in all that I learned because in addition to biology knowledge, I gained some more practice in questioning exercises, but I guess my point is that I may have gotten carried away.

The reality is, even if I were to develop a solid personal understanding of how this pathway could theoretically work, I would never be able to include it in my paper as fact, and therefore, I would not have progressed beyond the place I am currently at in terms of the information in my thesis, since the original plan was to state the basic assumption of the amyloid-hypothesis anyway. Wait, I'm not sure I wrote that correctly. I know asking questions is absolutely necessary and I know that trying to figure out glucose and Alzheimer's is important to my understanding of human biology as we age, but I don't know that allowing this particular controversy to consume me is of optimal value.

And here is where I am kind of torn between two good things. I know that I need focus and credibility and proper scientific validation in all parts of my thesis, but a part of me wants to venture out and imagine, to try and fathom the possibilities of new theories. I say these are both good things because one is grounded in largely indisputable value while the other is grounded in curiosity - both necessary, but both also possibly detrimental in the case of their extreme implementations. Curiosity, left unguided by purpose would leave someone with a lot of stuff that doesn't exactly fit together. Credibility,then, if paid too much attention can leave someone compulsively nitpicking for well, ever.

So, balance. That's been a big theme this year and rightfully so. And balance is important because time is also a thing. Emc has given me the opportunity to do things I never would have expected to do coming into GHS, but it's also a small piece to my educational puzzle. Meanwhile though, emc is a special place for learning where we develop skills that we will be assumed to have later on. In college and beyond, no one will take the time to make sure that I can communicate effectively, and when I can't, no one will take the time to teach me how to. The only problem then with a class doing those things through intellectual ownership/freedom, is that at some point, it ends. June comes around and it's just over. In the past I've been able to continue powering through the summer and officially start right back up in September without missing a beat. But next September, I won't be showing Mr. Bott and Mrs. Gergen my annotations or making and analyzing a summer SDA. I'll be going to college and that's kind of very very scary. Partly because it's you know, college. But also because over the past three years, emc has helped me a lot, and that means in order to be okay after high school, I have to find the next stage of emc, in the real word. Although, I guess there are other things to look forward to and anticipate. But anyway, we're just getting off track now. See? focus and purpose are necessary.

Okay, I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that there is always a way to make something better, to develop newer complexity and deeper character of anything we put our hands to do, but what we must thoughtfully consider is whether or not - given the time and resources (both physical and intellectual) - certain paths should be tread upon. I know this is getting a little meta, mostly because I see the concept reflected in other parts of my life so I apologize, but I will bring it back to science right away, don't worry.

I am very much intrigued by the connection between Alzheimer's Disease and Diabetes but in truth, I'm not sure I have the time and the intellectual ability to go down that rabbit hole while also keeping my head up in the worm world. Another thing to take into account is that my emc project teaches me a lot more than just C. elegans material so maybe the true decision of value comes in when choosing to focus on something like the 5 Cs instead of certain technicalities. At the end though, I've realized that it all comes down to choices. Choices about how to move forward, what goals to set, what questions to ask, what to prioritize. The sum of those choices then, makes up the nature of our journey. But at some points, it's necessary that we take a step back and ask, is this how I want my journey to look?

Oh no, getting too meta again. I'm sorry, I'm having some trouble completing my thoughts. I think I will write more about this topic at a later time, when I can be more clear.