A Case of The Messies

I have recently been exploring my classmates' project sites and I have to say, I am quite impressed. Whether it was Tima's incredibly written wit, or Mikayla's  determined tone, or Abbey's  stoic inspirationalism,  there was always something unique in each person's site that caught my attention. In exploring other people's sites, however, I began to reflect on mine and I realized that my own work seemed to show a considerable lack in personality and most glaringly, I saw that my About page was rather dry. While most others spoke about themselves simply as people inside as well as outside this class, I, without even realizing, fell back into that perceived separation between the two. It took me a long time to finally realize that what we do in emc is not just applicable to us as students, but to our entire lives as human beings. I certainly have no intention of undoing that particular growth but it seems that through the course of a few weeks, after last year emc "ended," I did lose some perspective. Although, it was very thankfully restored to me in the recent past as I took a look at the work of my classmates.

Even so, I will add a caveat here... that is; I operate in a very particular way. I'm usually not the type of person who shares everything about myself from a first encounter or provides the details of my life on a mere About page. Because I believe that these things take time. It is not until one has willingly invested time and energy to learn about another's personality that we can actually say we know one another well. 

So although I may seem reserved or closed-off or simply lacking in social grace (all of which I am), I do not think the content and nature of my journal entries will dissapoint when it comes to that personal touch. In fact, I believe you (whoever you are) may learn more about me through these written pieces than one would from being in the same classes or grade as me. We are on this journey together, and make no mistake, it will get personal. But the fact remains that I like to let this type of thing take its time, we must invest in one another.

Aaaaand here's where I encounter one of my quirky struggles. But let me first tie this back to the brain in the hopes that I have not lost the neuroscientist within you. A little while back, I came across a quote about the brain by Deepak Chopra;

"No matter how closely you examine the water, glucose, and electrolyte salts in the human brain, you can't find the exact point where these molecules became consciousness."

This really struck me because it essentially put my reason for loving the brain into words I could never have found. It's not the impossibility of actually understanding this transformation which captivates me, but rather the open road available to study the conundrum - to learn about the innerworkings of something we haven't found a shadow of a limit for. You know when kids go to Disneyland? That's what the brain is for me - it reminds me of a magic that makes me in awe of something actually thriving within us doing something so inexplicable. 

But this is also where we encounter a very unclear threshold. Exactly when do molecules become consciousness makes me ask when do we, EMCers, go from being regular students to true learners? And it's sad that those two are different but I do think I gave a rather clear example earlier in this entry - trying to decide whether or not I should give myself the clearance to go from dedicating my About page to the exact substance of this project alone to writing about myself - implicitly equating the two. I know it seems insignificant, just an About page. But I sincerely do wonder what the correct way to navigate this is. 

It is entirely possible that I'm just scared, because it seems that most others have already mastered this skill. And now here's a moment when I'll actually share something - I'm afraid of messes. Whether it's a literal food mess or a mess of words that you might think these journals to be, I abhor anything that is not organized nicely and neatly, with the clearest of parameters. So when I am forced to weigh the option of combining my personal life with my academic project, all I see is a potential mess. Even though it may have previously resulted naturally because that's what's supposed to happen anyway, I find the need to consider the disorder that could possibly result before making a conscious choice. Because essentially, that's what it all comes down to; a choice. We must ponder the benefits and deficits and renounce one thing in favor of another. 

For example, when we ( you're in this too, right?) choose to study the brain, we renounce the desire to know everything, to reach the end, and complete all there is to find out about the brain. We do this because we place more foundational value in exploration and curiosity, thus leading us to choose in favor of ambiguity. If we apply this concept to my earlier contention, I guess you could say I'm escaping the choice to be made... I'm choosing time as an out because I fear the mess that may result.